there are no prerequisites for love
Conscious loving is the vital key to the success of all relationships. The practice of mindfulness and yoga helps you understand there are no prerequisites for love. In other words, loving another human being is about ‘conscious’ loving and, in particular, not fearing or running when you are upset or conflict arises.
Love and intimacy are not about needing to be loved back. Rather, they’re about your capacity to consciously give love to yourself. They’re also about your ability to consciously, as well as freely, give love to others. Love is about being unquestionably truthful, continually constant and supportive towards both yourself and others.
Are you and your partner conscious individuals? Are you aware? Do you practice yoga and meditation, watch documentaries or read books and articles about self-development? If so, you probably understand fully what it means to be an observer of yourself. Becoming the observer is more than just thinking about yourself. It’s an altered state of mind. Becoming the observer is a skill needed to make positive personal changes in your relationships. This means noticing how you see yourself, think about yourself, and even to scrutinize your behavior when different situations arise. Being an observer of yourself requires you be aware of every subtle, automatic emotion and impulse, as well as feelings in your body, which is not an easy task.
In Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” and “The New Earth,” he talked about the pain body as an emotional residue of pain that holds itself within you. It is habitual patterns, experiences or pain from your past which have become lodged in your mind and body. All of life’s experiences, good and bad, leave behind a residue of memory that lives on in you.
Once your pain body is activated, it will not stop until it feels well-fed with pain. It seeks to either hurt your partner or to hurt itself, or both. The moment you observe energy from the pain body (this may be in the form of anger, anxiety, stress, etc.) take your attention to it. Then, the identification is broken because you become more conscious and begin developing neural pathways. You become the observer of your pain body which means it cannot use you or control you anymore.
When both parties in a relationship consciously choose to evolve like this together, whenever there is a disagreement, point of contention or differing of opinions, the relationship can only emphatically mature. In other words, for love to work, you must open your minds with compassion to the other’s ‘pain body.’
In your relationship, when a negative reaction or pattern emerges in the form of a conflict, consider if it may actually be coming from your pain body. Afterwards, it is usually much easier to forgive, apologize, make up, hug and be compassionate with each other. This is conscious loving in action.
Below are 16 guidelines to follow as you practice conscious loving:
– Conscious love doesn’t have needs or make demands.
– Conscious love is about acknowledging that neither of you is perfect and that is okay.
– Conscious love is not about having all your stuff worked out or never getting angry but rather observing it and becoming aware when it surfaces.
– Conscious love is about being open and intimate with each other.
– Conscious love is about listening to each other’s point of view and learning about each other.
– Conscious love is about respecting each other.
– Conscious love is being supportive of each other in any given situation.
– Conscious love is about trying your best to be nonjudgmental, to understand each other and be compassionate toward each other.
– Conscious love is about giving each other some “me time” and space every once in a while.
– Conscious love is being open to your partner’s inner craziness and also being open and vulnerable enough to allow yours to be seen.
– Conscious love is letting go of ego or the need to be right.
– Conscious love is communicating truthfully, telling each other everything, trusting, sharing and being authentic.
– Conscious love is about being able to accept each other, faults and all.
– Conscious love is having a sense of humor and not taking each other too seriously.
– Conscious love is staying present, letting go of the past and growing collectively together for the future.
– Conscious love is wanting to grow consciously together.
By practicing conscious love, you may discover a deeper and more meaningful communication with yourself, that carries over to your communication with your loved ones. Relationships and friendships will begin to shift toward becoming more intuitive, caring, compassionate, and understanding.
If you are looking to deepen your relationships and learn the basics of authentic communication (with yourself and others) take a look at this online course – Transformative Communication – an easy and life-enhancing approach for better relationships.