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core values in a relationship

Published: 07-06-2022

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Couples talking on the roof values in a relationship relationship values core needs to look for things what are partner most important list examples having different

Core values represent what is crucial to you; therefore, they are essential to the quality of your relationships and your life. 

A person’s core values are their underlying beliefs. These beliefs dictate people’s behaviour, principles, and assessment of what is important in life. Living our values is intrinsically linked to living with integrity. We feel we are betraying ourselves if we do not act under our core values, which can result in guilt and shame.

Therefore, values influence everything we do, from using our free time to showing up in our relationships, and living our lives.

As a result, compatible relationship values are essential for successful and long-lasting relationships.

All our core values need to be fulfilled to some degree, or we will feel unsatisfied, bored, or detached. For example, imagine a person’s core values are: fun, freedom, growth, family, and work.

This person has a job they enjoy; it’s fun and allows them the freedom of working from home to be around their family, but there is no place to grow in the company and no chance of a promotion.

This person’s core values are not being fulfilled, which will negatively impact their well-being.

What’s not a core value?

Core values are not the same as beliefs or attitudes. Beliefs and attitudes similarly include cognitive, emotional, and behavioral components; however, values are more stable and long-lasting.

We may alter our minds about a particular issue (such as a political party), but the values that drove that change are unlikely to have changed.

Let’s say one of our core values is kindness. We might believe that one politician embodies it more than the other. We change our beliefs or attitude (on the better political party), but not our values.





Why are values important in relationships?

When people share similar core values, the relationship is more likely to succeed. Life will throw scenarios at us that will test the strength and unity of our relationship.

Having aligned core values can provide the necessary power to navigate these barriers as a united front.

Core values in relationships are your foundation for how to act in any situation and how to resolve conflict.

These relationship values are the underlying themes fueling our actions, consciously or unconsciously. Therefore, learning more about our core values in relationships is essential to improve our quality of life and well-being. 

Core values are the compass that points you to your true north of how you want to show up for yourself and the people in your life.

In romantic relationships, reflecting on our values helps us understand what pulls us and holds us together. Common relationship values are sexual chemistry,  safety, trust, or a similar mindset.

Those are just some examples, and there are many. As a result, it is understandable that we would want to find a partner whose values are compatible with, or at the very least closely resemble, ourselves and those that we cherish.

>>> Take a look at this Online Communication Training by Sophie Parienti. <<<

Core relationships values

In day-to-day life, core values in a relationship mean stronger communication, more shared interests, and increased closeness. But more prominently, these values show up when making the big decisions in life.

Compatible relationship values better guide us on the journey of achieving what we want in life (a family, buying a house, setting up a business) as the quality of life you strive to achieve will be complementary.

Conflict becomes deeper and harder to resolve when we want different things in life.

Here’s our list of the most important relationship values that lead to deeper relationships and a happy future:

Trust

trust value relationship

Trust is a value that is essential and fundamental to most romantic relationships, defined as the belief that someone will always be truthful and faithful towards you.

To trust someone means that you can rely on them and feel safe confiding in them. Trust allows us to place greater reliance on our partners, enabling us to invest in and grow the relationship.

This value takes precedence above all others, and it serves as the foundation of your partnership. You and your partner must have complete faith in each other, and you need to trust that they’ll look out for you, that you’ll look out for them.

Also Read>>> Intention behind the relationship from relationship expert Sophie Parienti

Communication

communication core value

Humans communicate to relate and exchange ideas, knowledge, feelings, experiences, and other interpersonal and social purposes.

Without a doubt, communication is a value critical to your relationship’s growth and well-being. Effectively communicating will bring you closer together and allow you to learn everything there is to know about each other.

Studies show couples with shared communication values are more attracted to each other and more satisfied in the relationship.

Perhaps you prefer to think about situations before speaking about them, while your partner likes to communicate right away.

That’s OK. As long as you both desire to keep the communication channels open, the relationship can grow.

You and your partner can schedule a time to discuss and address the issues. The problem comes when there is no communication at all.  

Remember to share the good news as well. Investing in your relationship by communicating with each other is a great approach.

Your relationship will gain from sharing a bit of yourself and your life, and you will be rewarded with enhanced intimacy. If you feel ready to work on your communication, check out our transformative communication workshop.

Lifestyle Habits

lifestyle core value

Lifestyle may not be a personal core value, but it’s crucial to look at in regard to relationships. This is how we choose to live and the behaviors and habits we keep.

Common lifestyle elements are yogi/fitness, travel, culture, health, fashion, work, wealth, and social. 

If you and your partner often like to do separate things, and your lives don’t allow you to spend a lot of time together physically, this could strain your relationship.

Your relationship may struggle if you never see each other because how you like to spend your time is worlds apart.

Say one partner enjoys the outdoors, fitness, and early mornings, and the other prefers partying till late, watching films in bed, and eating junk food.

These lifestyles don’t allow for much time together, so it’s critical to discuss the best compromise to strengthen the relationship.

Otherwise, it’s likely a partner may feel isolated and detached, and conflict will arise. 

We’re not suggesting you should be inseparable, but spending quality time together strengthens a relationship, which is harder to do if your lifestyles aren’t compatible. 

Furthermore, suppose your partner engages in behaviours such as smoking or gambling that may irritate you; try to share this early and honestly to avoid resentment entering into the relationship. 

It’s important we don’t assume that someone’s behaviours will change or we can “fix” them, but it is crucial to express how their lifestyle or behaviour makes you feel. 

Although not all of your partner’s habits must coincide with yours, strong relationships are built on love and respect, which is why it’s so important to talk about these things honestly.

Commitment

commitment value list

Commitment means being dedicated to your partner and prioritizing them. In modern relationships, deciding to “commit” can be that leap into entering a monogamous relationship and staying loyal to that person.

For some of us, commitment is everything. If commitment is one of your core values, you are most likely a faithful and devoted partner and expect the same in return.

Be sure to establish how committed your partner is and what that means to them to see if this is a value you share. If you are looking for someone to marry and start a family with and they want a non-committal fling, then you have a real problem.

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Family

family value list

Your life goal may be to marry, have children, and live near your relatives, which has always been a core value. But what if your partner doesn’t want children and wants to live in Hawaii? 

This is a serious barrier to your relationship success and overall happiness. Family is a significant value that you must agree on.  

Family value also governs how involved you are with your own and each other’s families. If your life revolves around your family and they are your source of joy, then the relationship needs to accommodate that.

As a couple, know early on what your family values are. Do you wish to be close to your relatives? How frequently do you want to visit?

Do you want to start your own family? If so, how many children? If this core value isn’t shared, your relationship may end.

This is a serious barrier to your relationship success and overall happiness. Family is a significant value that you must agree on.  



Also Read>>> Creating a healthy relationship

5 steps to help you live into your values

1) Identify them. It’s challenging to live by our core values if we don’t even know them. Take the time and think about: what’s most important to you and what sets your soul on fire?
If you are not sure, try taking this personal values test. Write them down and keep that list somewhere to remind you what’s at your core.

2) Define what they mean to you. If one of your core values is “freedom,” what does this mean to you? Does it mean living without limitations, being self-employed, or taking that trip you’ve dreamed of?

3) Identify when your values are not aligned. Are there certain people or situations you engage with that compromise your core values? Does taking on extra work mean less time with your family, who are your world?

4) Plan ways to live into your values. If your core value is equality, maybe you need to have that uncomfortable conversation at work and set boundaries.

If it’s growth,  perhaps you need to go back to university and learn new things. Make an action plan and commit to living to all your values somehow.

5) Bring core values into your relationship. Discuss your individual and relationship core values. Is it commitment and someday having a family?

Explore the compatibility of your values and figure out compromises where necessary. Knowing and respecting each other’s core values is a great way to strengthen the relationship.

To Depart

Core values are everything,  dictating how we think, feel, communicate and behave. Having compatible relationship values allows for a more rewarding and intimate bond with your partner. To optimize our well-being, we must uphold and live into our values in and out of our relationship.

To learn the basics of authentic communication, I recommend this very accessible online course: Transformative Communication – an easy and life-enhancing approach for better relationships created by YOGI TIMES Founders and Coaches Jess & Sophie.

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