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We all have negative thoughts from time to time. But, when they are aimed at ourselves this can be a sign of an unhealthy self-esteem. One of the first steps on the road to loving yourself more is to start to think about your sense of self-esteem, and then make an effort to start doing things to lift it up.
To help understand where you fit on the scale of healthy self-esteem, try answering these 10 questions:
1. Are you able to say no and actually mean it?
2. What are the kinds of people you envy and why?
3. How do you feel when you look in the mirror at your body?
4. How do you feel about your appearance?
5. Do you feel that you deserve the best?
6. Would you say that you're critical about yourself?
7.Are you able to take personal space whenever you feel you need it without feeling guilty?
8. Do you take the time to do things for yourself?
9. What do you feel when someone gives you a compliment?
10. When buying new clothes for yourself do you feel guilty?
By now I am sure you're wondering what these questions mean, and what they have to do with the way you view yourself. Everything that happens to us is directly connected to the way we see ourselves because our self image is a filter through which we interpret our experiences. If you noticed that the answers you put down express negative language towards yourself, you may be someone who could benefit greatly from practicing some new ways of thinking to try and improve your self-esteem. If you're looking to improve your self-esteem its important to start tuning in, not out, and learn to love ourselves more by the following ways.
- Notice when we are blaming ourselves, or putting ourselves down and try to use kinder language towards ourselves.
- Treat ourselves like we would a best friend. We wouldn't constantly call our friends unkind things, right? We deserve to treat ourselves the same way.
- Never allow any invalidation of ourselves, whether from within or without, to pass unchallenged.
- Treat ourselves to self care: take a long bath, read, listen to music, get your hair and nails done. Taking care of ourselves is showing that we love ourselves.
- Start to think that we already deserve love and kindness. Give ourselves permission to enjoy the world around us.
- Be grateful for what you have in your life.
I hope this helps you start to identify where you currently stand with your self-esteem. Keep in mind that practice is key here. If you have a difficult time treating yourself with more love and kindness, don't worry, it takes time to develop any new skill. I ask you to be kind to yourself, even when you have a set back. Rome wasn't built in a day and good things take time.