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Have a conflict?
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Have a conflict?

by Sula DePaula sula depaula
Cultivate Relationships | Couple

6 steps to a resolution

The definition of Conflict:to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; to clash. As a verb...a fight, battle, or struggle, especially a prolonged struggle; strife. As noun... controversy; quarrel: conflicts between parties. A discord of action, feeling, or effect; antagonism or opposition, as of interests or principles: a conflict of ideas.

It would be wonderful if we could live in a world free of opposing forces. Living in this play ground of 3rd dimensional reality, where duality is the norm, it’s normal to deal with disagreements. I am referring to relationships conflict, communication conflicts and personal inner struggles. What if we could see the usual misunderstandings and confrontations with others as  colliding points of view? What if we could dim our desire to being right and put more energy into solutions and possibilities? Our lives are busy, we have many demanding forces and myriad forms of stress. When we are faced with a conflict what if we could choose out of the war zone and into the resolution arena?

What if we could handle relationship conflicts with total ease? What if instead of going into the energetic vortex of defense and attack, we could actually use it to our benefit, enriching our lives and the depth of our relationships. Whether it is your love partner, family members, co- workers, or neighbors, what if after each discord we became a bit more emotionally mature and empowered?

I created six steps to conflict resolution that will change how you handle conflict and enhance the quality of your life.

After studying relationship patterns, family dynamics, communication techniques, and energy, I created these steps and have taught them with great success.

The next time that your thoughts collide with someone else’s thoughts and create upsets, arguments or destruction, try these steps before depleting your good health, finances or your peace of mind. You will be glad you did!

1. Breathe deeply 10 times

Reacting right away may cause regrets. In the heat of a situation we may say things that are hurtful and not helpful. Taking some time to breathe will give the heated mind a chance to think clearly and make better choices. Breathe into the belly, deep long breathes. Count to 5 on the inhale and on the exhale. Repeat 10 rounds. If necessary do 10 more rounds increasing to 10 counts on the inhale and 10 on the exhale.

2. Don’t blame

All blame is off track. As a conscious being having a physical experience, blaming others keeps you in judgement by perpetrating the conflict and locking it into reality. It keeps you in a vicious cycle of attack/defense; most likely repeating the same patterns over and over with different people. Blame will keep you energetically hooked to the individual for years or even life times! Blame will distract you from taking responsibility for your part and from resolving it forever! Get over the blame mentality! Instead, strive to see how similar you are to the other person, and how in the past you could have done the same thing to someone else that you are judging now.

3. Ask a question to yourself

Asking a question will open up a world of possibilities.

It will allow you to take a step back from the small vision of “look what happened to me,” to the greater vision of, “how can I use this situation to expand myself and my life?” Ask a question and wait quietly. Notice the possibilities. Stay curious! 

Examples of mind expanding questions are:

  1. How did I create this?
  2. What aspect of my mind is creating this situation?
  3. Who does this person represent from my past that I haven’t resolved with?
  4. What is the lesson here?
  5. What is the value in creating this situation?
  6. What’s right about this that I am not getting?

4. Acknowledge the other person’s position

Acknowledging the other person’s perspective will create common ground for resolution. You don’t have to understand it.

Saying something like “I realize that you think that...” or “I see how you could have thought that, done that, or chosen that...” will help personal barriers to go down creating a space for receiving each others ideas. It is a primal need to want to be heard and seen! We all have it!

5.Suggest a resolution

Explore some choices on how to resolve the conflict, or ask the other person “how can you and I find a resolution here?” When we let go of wanting to be right or having it our way, solutions magically show up!

6. Clear the energy

After a heated argument with someone, most of us think about it way too much. Like a person gone mad, we go over and over different scenarios in our mind. Even asking “dead end” questions like “ why didn’t I say this or do that..” These questions will get us no where.

I suggest asking a different kind of question for clearing. Ask yourself “Everything that came up with ____in this situation will I please delete and destroy it across all time, space, and realities?

Asking higher frequencies or your Spiritual Source for assistance, helps clear the energy facilitating the release of the past. Invoke Angels, guides, and even ask the Violent Flame to transmute the heavier energies.

Using the Elements Earth, Water, Air and Fire is also a great way for clearing energies. For water, take a cold shower, swim in the ocean or a cold spring. For fire, sit by a fire meditating on the flames or attend a fire ceremony. For the air element use any breathing technique or breathe with me. My breathwork CD is very helpful. For Earth, go for a hike in the mountains. These are just a few examples of energy clearing. The point is let it go!

Imagine a world without conflict! Is it possible? In the meanwhile using conscious tools when conflict arises will keep us healthy, happy and free!


Sula, a Brazilian Native, she is a Loving Relationships Trainer, also known as The LRT®. Sula de Paula is a seasoned Breathwork Teacher, Yoga Instructor and an Access Consciousness Bars Facilitator.

Resources: Access Consciousness The Loving Relationships Training