Growing up I was a very jealous and competitive person. I enjoyed being mean because it made me feel powerful. I’ll never forget, when I was in first grade my parents got a phone call from another students’ parents because she had come home multiple days crying because I was bullying her. It didn’t end there, in middle school I used to tell my best friend that she had to go into the bathroom with me and change outfits because I thought she looked better than I did and I could just not have that. I started to enjoy gossiping whether it was true or not, making up rumors because once again it gave me that false sense of power. As I started dating my jealously issues were more projected towards the guys in my life. I would play mind games on purpose, I was just crazy. All of these issues stemmed from one thing, I was insecure about EVERYTHING. I was living my life from the outside in instead of the inside out. My fear-based mind controlled me. I was afraid. I felt unworthy, undeserving, unloveable and so that was what I was projecting out into my relationships; how I felt inside was my reality on the outside.
When I reached my early twenties I started to become aware of my darkness. Through stillness I began to bring my fears into the light. I allowed myself to feel them fully and accept them as they were. The more accepting I became of what was the more I was able to let go and allow love to flow in. A knowingness arrived inside me and it has contiunted to grow as I grow. This is what I was looking for all along.
As humans I believe it is in our nature to be competitive, to want to be the best no matter what the cost is. We want to get to the top of that mountain to prove, yes, yes I do matter, I am powerful. Even if you do make it to the top of that mountain you will quickly come tumbling down. All your darkness is still hidden and now you are all alone because you pushed everybody and everything away. I believe we can rise above our competitive nature by bringing our darkness into the light and becoming aware that we already ARE powerful, we already DO matter and we don’t need to prove it at the cost of hurting and manipulating another human being.
We are love. If you take a moment to think about it, all we want is to be loved, to feel love and to love one another but we can not do that until we find that love for ourselves, inside ourselves. We are perfect and our imperfections are what make us perfect. Our imperfections are what allow us to find that love inside ourselves. True love does not come from an outside source.
I am love, you are love, we are love and I love you because I love me. We are all on our separate paths but we are all headed to the same place. WE ARE ONE.
If you are looking for a way to start or deepen your daily meditation – take a
look at this program by MindValley: bit.ly/YOGIMeditation and the Mindfulness Based Stressed Reduction online course by Sounds True: – The YOGI TIMES team