the essential you

Moving from Socialization to Essentialization

Each of us has our own Soul Print – the unique way that we express the divine. When a person fully embodies his or her Soul Print, their edge is palpable. A definitive edge is the result of being so fully oneself that it comes across as authentic and powerful. These people are not diluted. They have not muted their essence to make others feel comfortable around them. They are who they are and you either like them or you don’t. Most of the time, they don’t care who likes them because they are too busy enjoying their lives.

It is common, however, for one’s essence to get diluted in the process of growing up. We call it socialization-learning what it means to be a human being. Socialization is necessary to an extent. It would be weird if we just pulled our pants down to go to the bathroom whenever and wherever the urge hit, for example. There are definite benefits to socialization, but the very process that makes us civilized can also plant seeds of self-doubt.

“Don’t go into psychology, Kimberly”¦ Pick something more mainstream like business or human resources.” These words of wisdom were spoken from my well-meaning father before I went to college. I heeded his wisdom, only to return to school a decade later to pursue a Master’s in Counseling Psychology.

We not only get guidance from family and friends about how to best fit in, but we get it from society at large. The media bombards us with messages on how to look good and what it means to be successful. Rarely do these cookie cutter messages fit for those seeking authenticity, but the pressure is immense nonetheless.

Most of us emerge from socialization divided inside. One side is our essence or authentic self, and the other side is our presenting self-a molded (socialized) self that has been carefully crafted to fit in and avoid ridicule.

Luckily life, which seeks to express itself through all living things, constantly flows through us, working toward expanding our energy capacity and increasing our light. If we don’t consciously or unconsciously block it, the life flowing through us will crumble everything that is false and polish us into a clear vessel that powerfully emanates our unique Soul Print.

I call this process Essentialization or moving toward one’s essence. We can delay and avoid this process for a while, but ultimately life wins. Resisting this natural process leads to forced transformation, where life throws you a nasty curve ball through the demise of a relationship, an illness, job loss, or whatever is being clung to for security or avoidance.

There is another way. We can embrace transformation, which is the way life keeps things fresh. There are five steps to Essentialization that when followed will support life in keeping you fresh. Here they are:

Charge: Plug into the life within you every day, and let it fill you up, guide you, and energize you.

Alchemy: Pay attention when life nudges you to stop drinking, start communicating, change jobs, etc. When we act on intuitive impulses-despite the
discomfort that comes with change-everything that is artificial within us is burned off so our true essence can shine through.

Shed: Release patterns of thought and behavior that keep you stuck. Not only do we need to embrace alchemy so that the energy of life can burn through our blocks, but we need to let go of habits that cause us to attract the same situation over and over again.

Embody: Feed your unique gifts often. Water them with attention and energy so that the seeds of your soul can grow and eventually blossom. It takes cultivation in order for one’s essence to be powerful enough for others to recognize. Ignore those who don’t believe in you and follow your bliss!

Express: Express your gifts with the world. Take a risk. Put yourself out there. If you don’t, no one will, because NO ONE but you has your Soul Print.

Kimberly Kingsley is a counselor and energy coach and the author of Portals of Peace: A Path to Inner Peace and a Healed World. Visit

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