Time apart is necessary for a relationship, and distance is an excellent catalyst for genuine desire, love, and kindness to resurface. However, it must be a ‘constructive distance’ chosen by both partners with a single intention in mind, which is to become closer and more intimate, more deeply connected.
Too often, distance is seen as a way to break away from the perceived constraint of partnership and everyday life routine. It is taken as a drastic last resort to regain freedom and independence.
So what exactly does taking a break mean in a relationship?
Here’s the thing; You can be ‘together’ with your partner while also establishing distance. Allow yourselves moments of solitude, meditation, or anything else that enables you both to reconnect and become more grounded in who you are as separate people.
This way of being in a relationship creates a deeper, more ‘true’ connection. Why?
Once rejuvenated and restored in the ‘self,’ you are significantly increasing the likelihood that you will be eager again for more in-depth, connectedness. Your time together is now built upon the strong base of an independent person. You understand your true desires and needs and can bring that knowledge to your relationship. You also have something new to say to each other!
But it gets better…
This grounding in the self is preparation for moving into a new level of intimacy and not into a relationship break. Think of it as taking a break after a full-on exercise session to prepare for the next stint and go in deeper.
Wouldn’t you like to always be with your partner in a state of positivity and curiosity?
This ‘you-time’ allows space for curiosity to remain and your time with your partner stays fresh and precious. It’s a win-win!
Also Read>>> 10 tips on getting out of conflictual relationships
One aspect of relationships that I see many times with my clients is that couples stop appreciating each other and become entitled. And remember, it’s the simple things; Do you still say please and thank you to each other? Or do you reserve this kind of language for your friends only? If you and your partner feel taken for granted, that’s a sure way to an unfulfilled relationship.
One of the many ways my husband and I make sure that we still appreciate each other is to send an email every morning, expressing our love and appreciation for the other.
Book regular you-time sessions. Schedule them in, so you don’t cancel on yourself.
Treat yourself to things that you love, that make you feel happy and fulfilled. This could be a session, a walk in the country, time to write, or to meditate.
- How do I feel?
- What are my needs at this time?
- Am I serving myself and others at my best?
When you’re ready, or when you next see your partner, spend some time sharing how this was for you.
Given that Jess and I have been together for over 20 years now, “constructive distance” has been our biggest savior in maintaining a vibrant and very close relationship while keeping the passion fully alive.⠀⠀⠀
Find below 5 ideas for a healthy time apart
Let us know which ones you tried and how you got on!
1. Allow yourself a spa day
If not weekly, make an appointment at least twice a month to rejuvenate and treat yourself kindly. It does not always have to be an expensive treatment. If you are on a budget, go experience for something simple but where being pampered is at the core of your day.
2. Pick a creative outlet
Is there something creative you love to do? Painting, drawing, building things, crafts, etc.? schedule a weekly time to meet your creative self, and honor that side of you. It will be exciting to share it with your partner and let them discover a new side of you.
3. Go away for the weekend
Take some particular time to honor your friendships. Our relationships can often take over and leave our friendships to fall by the wayside. Your friends will appreciate this special time, and you will feel rejuvenated by the time doing something different with new people. Just make sure that you don’t spend the time bad-mouthing your relationship or your partner as this is not constructive to a healthy relationship.
Also Read>>> To all the men out there! 10 ways to love your partner
Always check with your partner first to see if leaving for the weekend might interfere with any plans they have arranged for you both. You don’t want them to perceive this trip as you running away from the relationship. This would have a negative effect rather than the constructive one of missing each other to create a closer feeling afterward.
4. Spend some time with yourself
Re-ground in who you are and how you feel without your partner. While it’s wonderful being together in a loving relationship, it’s also vital to enjoying time not together. You can try things like meditation, walk in nature, write or create a vision board of the things that make you happy.
5. Try something new!
Think back to the things you wanted to do as a child. Maybe you think they’re silly now, but hey, why not try one! Perhaps you always loved singing but never gave it the time. Sign-up for a local choir; they don’t have to be stuffy, and there are many fun and soul-enriching choirs out there. You may make some new friends, too! The idea here is to do something you have never done and related to your partner later on.
So, what does taking a break mean in a relationship? Relationships thrive when we take constructive time apart because you are both able to regroup with fresh energy, new stories, and renewed energy in a more loving and connected way. Just remember to make sure this time is constructive and respectful, so you are honoring your partnership, not creating a sense of separation.
How do you maintain the balance between closeness and distance in your relationship? Share with us below in the comments?⠀
Share your ideas below so our community can be inspired!
If you are looking to deepen your relationships and learn the basics of authentic communication (with yourself and others) take a look at this empowering online course – Transformative Communication – an easy and life-enhancing approach for better relationships.