We are on an amazing journey called life that offers us many twists & turns, highs & lows, laughs & sorrows that seemingly can't be avoided. What a gift it is to be in this body... and of course, sometimes it feels like a hellish challenge.
Six months into relationship with my beloved Veronica the muddy terrain began to surface. Veronica moved from the magical redwoods of Mendocino back to LA for me and was essentially starting over in her life.
At this time, we began to live in a small tree house together. The house was delightfully made for one, miserably made for two. On my own this tree house was cozy, private, secluded, rustic with charm and once Veronica moved in my meditative abode became a crushingly small closet without a door or mirror… A true challenge for both of us!
Our honeymoon was over and the underbelly of our relationship was exposed to the crud that was caked over the brightness of the love within and between us. If you’ve ever been in a 1 year + relationship, you know what I am writing of. Post honeymoon is a test no matter how you slice it. And then, just imagine facing this challenging cycle with your new partner in a closet day in and day out!
Our one year marked a blend of many tests and challenges along with moving into another home (a larger closet), I surpassed my boiling point. Veronica and I both were hitting our new discovered limits with each other and within ourselves. We were at the precipice of breakup or transformation. Neither of us knew what would come first, yet both of us were hoping for the transformation. We knew something had to change and it was going to have to happen quickly.
Serendipitously, the day after we moved I already had a trip scheduled to immerse myself in the woods of Mt. Shasta. Veronica wisely chose to remain home to give us both some time and space to take an inventory of our oozing stuff and the goodness beneath that.
The morning of my trip, full of concern of the future, I slid out at the dew of the morning with a desire to remember the love and gratitude I had for the woman I saw spending the rest of my life with. Yet, when I left the house it was a sprint for breath, space and freedom.
The first 30 mins of the trip was a replay of all the tests and challenges that Veronica and I had gone through. The weight of all these burdens were becoming too great to carry. I had doubt if we could make it through this.
An hour outside of LA I found myself listening to an uplifting song by Seal that begins with, “I AM who I AM, that is that.”
As 10 minutes of positivity pulsed through my veins, I began to feel lighter with a glimmer of hope surfacing from the caverns within.
An hour and a half on the road the straight jacket of constriction in my lungs and heart relented. Like a hot air balloon, the love and compassion within gently lifted me above the righteousness, anger and fear I felt in the story of our relationship.
Soon after, what remained was a building determination to discover what my contribution was to the failing partnership and what I could contribute to our transformation.
Over the next several days in Mt. Shasta, I enjoyed my simple routine of meditation and a walk on the mountain in the morning, a nature drive into breakfast, a stroll around town, a sit for tea and reading, a return to the local health-food store for groceries, the drive back up the mountain, a meander back over to my private campsite, time to be present amongst the pines, a bit more masticating a book and food and then an early turn-in.
To be free of the demands of work, free of the current friction with my beloved, free of my patterns at home and free of the influence of others, I had the opportunity to transform without a lot of luggage or resistance.
So much of what I needed was the spaciousness to remember who I truly am and how I choose to be with myself and my partner. Certainly, some changes were required upon my return, yet it became much easier to communicate and enact after a week of spaciousness.
I reflect today, with gratitude on the Divine support of that venture perfectly scheduled to Mt. Shasta. It certainly was one of the many moments of Grace that has been a natural thread of my journey with my beloved V.
Of course the tests in love continue to emerge at times, yet now we have a roadmap on how to address these tests. And, one of the keys on that map for our love and joy to thrive is vacation! A true secret to thriving is scheduling these retreats sometimes in union and other times as a solo adventurer.
With intention, a vacation can become much more than a reprieve from our regular duties and obligations. It can be a profound reset and opportunity to transform some of the limiting ways we live and think in our daily lives.
Hence this is an olive branch for you to carve out that time either alone or with a partner. When’s the last time you consciously took time to immerse yourself in positivity and invited in the space to discover new ways of living that would improve your life?
If what you’ve read resonates, why not plan your next journey today?