7 things i learned from my breakup


love after love

Everyone deals with a breakup differently. We can blame, we can bury our emotions deep within, we can choose to withdraw, even punish the next person for whatever did not work out. But we can also pause and sit with our emotions until they arise on the surface and we are ready to listen.

Breakups, if consciously handled, can be extraordinary sources for breakthroughs. Pain is simply a barrier to push through and when you do, you are much more powerful. 

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Lesson #1 – Love is not ours to own

Love works the same way as money or any other energy. We cannot make ourselves the final recipient of it because it is meant to flow through us and back into the world. We cannot claim ownership over a person’s feelings, actions, choices, emotions, etc. We cannot claim ownership over the energy of love itself.

We come into this world as souls on a journey. Love is meant to support us, but it can only do so if we allow it to flow through us, rather than try to own it. If two people in a relationship choose to exclude themselves from the world, their spark will eventually dim. Love acts as a fuel to help us fulfill our purpose in the world. Greediness causes downfall. There is a much bigger purpose for two people coming together. This purpose goes beyond our immediate gratification.

Lesson #2 – Sex is a spiritual agreement

When we make love consciously, we don’t make love – we make light. In the same way that we would make a fire, we create light energy to come into the world and impact it.

Spiritual energy is released when two bodies come together. It is a dialogue between two souls, a dance that creates consciousness. We can then inject this consciousness into everything that we do. It is not just about how we give and take, but rather about the consciousness behind our every action. We can heal the world with that consciousness. Sex is a divine encounter. Sex is how our souls communicate at our most intimate level.

Lesson #3 – What motivates our desire?

When we fancy a person, our senses go ecstatic. We want to share more of ourselves with them; we want to get to know them more. Sometimes we are so focused on manifesting that relationship, that we turn it into a project and overlook what really motivates us. We begin to think that the root cause of us not feeling fulfilled is the absence of this person in our life.

Oftentimes, we invite somebody into our life when we have not dealt with our insecurities, our fear of abandonment, our fear of not feeling good enough. On the outside, we may very much like this person, but on the inside, we rush into coercing them into a relationship because we have needs. If we first take time deal with ourselves, a rushed relationship would unfold differently.

Lesson #4  – Who we choose as a partner

We all have a different way to bring light into the world. Relationships enable us to do so. Sometimes, we may pair up with a person, who is not compatible with us on a spiritual level. They may not deliver the type of support that we specifically need or we may not be able to support them in their purpose.

A common example is picking a partner whose requires a certain level of commitment that we struggle to support. In the end, we may hinder them more than we help. We should choose a partner whose mission we can support and bring light to each other. 

Lesson #5 – We may not marry our soulmate and that’s okay

There is a lot of conversation that goes on around the topic of soulmates. Ideally, everyone wants to find their soulmate or ” other half.” But for various reasons, we may not end up with our soulmate. Sometimes, it is because our soulmate is at a different stage of their life’s journey.

If we are emotionally unstable and our soulmate is a stable individual, the match may not be possible. Instead, we are sent people who are compatible with us. These people are not our soulmates, but their soul vibrates at the same frequency as ours and they are the most suitable person for us at that stage.

Lesson #6 – How well we know ourselves determines the quality of our relationship

When we have gotten a glimpse of our soul and we know where we stand in this world, and what our life’s purpose may be, we can choose our partner more consciously. We know that appearances can be deceiving. We know that a relationship may start in so many different ways. It may start off as extremely complicated, only to eventually unfold more gracefully with the gift of time, if given the chance to take root.

Things are never what they seem to be on the surface and the worst thing we can do is make assumptions on how relationships will unfold. Some people share our life for a season and some people share our life for a lifetime. The best thing to do is to realize that we do not have all the answers right away. In digging deeper within us, we can eventually answer the question – is this relationship for the greater good?

Lesson #7 – Our breakups are our foundations

Oftentimes when a relationship ends, bitter feelings are attached to its ending. We feel puzzled, let down, maybe a little betrayed or taken aback. Not everyone has the courage to pick up the phone, send a text or write a letter to make peace with our former partner. But peace is so important. Even if we never get in contact with our former partner, we should be able to release them into this world in the most loving way possible.

When we get emotional, we lose perspective. We do not realize that our words and our actions may actually cause chain reactions that can either bring more negativity or positivity into the world.

A lot of us bear things within us because of our former partners. They may not have meant the things they did or said, but words do live on. For the greater good of the world and for the future of our relationships, we should be able to make the selfless choice to send love to our former partners.

Breakups are breakthroughs, only if we choose to view them this way. We are always a choice away.

If you are looking to deepen your relationships and learn the basics of authentic communication (with yourself and others) take a look at this online course – Transformative Communication – an easy and life-enhancing approach for better relationships.

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