“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Gautama Buddha
I recently had a huge epiphany. I had still been holding on to anger about a recent relationship where there was infidelity. I normally let things go pretty easily but this one was really taking time to shift because he hadn’t really apologized for what he had done. This really angered me. We had been through so much and I couldn’t believe after all that we had been through, he couldn’t even give a simple apology.
This shifted for me when a client of mine came to me and shared some information to which I realized I had done something involving them that was really inappropriate and not OK. I felt really horrible and spent an entire day processing what I had done. It was an accident. I didn’t mean to do it. I just wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t being present. I had to completely feel the discomfort it had brought up for me and really own what I did. I had to really dig deep to find within myself that I am not a malicious person who intentionally hurt them, I merely was not being my true self and made a mistake.
As soon as I connected to this, It hit me – That past relationship that I was still hurting from had the same circumstances. So maybe just maybe my ex was going through the same thing. He made a mistake. He wasn’t being himself. He had lost himself in the moment and wasn’t being mindful or present. Just like I did. And maybe, just maybe he wasn’t able to own what he had done, thus unable to really apologize. This is not an easy thing to do! It took A LOT for me to sit with it, feel, own it and transmute. It was not easy, so maybe it’s not easy for my ex to do to the same. I had to experience what he was going though to understand him better and let it go. It was very uncomfortable but truly transformational.
We are human and we are flawed and we all make mistakes. Deep down no one is truly a malicious person. Some may have chemical imbalances or are hurt disconnected people. So please remember – We are all doing the best we can with the tools we have.
“When you look deeply into your anger, you will see that the person you call your enemy is also suffering. As soon as you see that, the capacity of accepting and having compassion for them is there.” – Thích Nháº¥t Háº¡nh