Most people want to create a loving and fulfilling relationship in their lives. A relationship that is healthy, authentic, with mutual love and respect for each other. A loving healthy relationship can be one of the most beautiful experiences in the world. I have had the wonderful experience of being in love on four different occasions. I feel blessed to have experienced this.
I am currently single and I was reflecting the other day on what is the best way to attract another loving relationship into my life. The answer that I came up with was, to have a loving and authentic relationship with myself. It is impossible to have a loving honest relationship with somebody else unless we first choose to have one with ourselves. This really is the first step in creating that loving relationship in our lives.
We have been conditioned by society, by the media, by movies etc. that somebody out there will make us feel happy, feel loved and feel special. However, the only person who can give us any of those things is ourselves.
I see in my relationship experience, what has blocked me from really loving a person has always come back to how much I love myself. When we choose to fully love ourselves and we have a healthy and honest relationship with ourselves, we can then choose to let go of the need and the expectations of the person we are in relationship with.
It has been my experience, that when there are needs and expectations in the relationship from either person, that it seems to block or restrict the flow of love. Imagine being in a relationship where you have no needs or expectations of the other person.
~ I love you but I don’t need you in my life to be happy or to feel loved.~ what a beautiful place to be.
I see in many relationships where the happiness of the other person becomes dependant on the other person. A cycle of blame kicks in where by one person blames the other person for their unhappiness saying “ you don’t do this” and “you don’t do that for me.”
If we really loved ourselves, would we choose to blame the other person for our unhappiness?
So how do we start loving ourselves?
We start with ~
~ Just being gentle and kind to ourselves for where we are right now.
~ Treat ourselves how we would treat a lover.
~ Taking ourselves out for a date and make ourselves feel special and wonderful.
~ Saying No and saying Yes, when it feels true for us to do so.
~ Trusting the voice within.
~ Not comparing ourselves to anybody or anything.
~ Saying yes to who you are and all that you can be.
~ Just being good to ourselves.
~ Trusting ourselves and letting go of all expectations and need.
~ Saying to ourselves that we really are doing our best.
~ Saying its okay to be me.
With all of the above you can start embracing, accepting and loving the beautiful, fantastic person that you are!
If you are looking to deepen your relationships and learn the basics of authentic communication (with yourself and others) take a look at this online course – Transformative Communication – an easy and life-enhancing approach for better relationships.