I’ve been in the process of planning a move, changing jobs and figuring out how to move my counseling license. Between calling on apartments and jobs I’m squeezing in extra shifts and more projects before I leave. I’ve noticed myself feeling busy and talking about being busy. My social media updates are clad with anecdotes about busyness, and my anxiety about life changes fills the rest of my free moments. My mind-space is gone- it’s completely filled with busyness. I find it interesting, though, the way this busyness has revealed something about myself. One, I like busyness, and two, it may be a bandaid.
So yes, in truth I really do like busyness. I feel productive, visible, and important. This thing that has replaced my mind-space offers tangible things for me to point to and say “see, I deserve kudos, sympathy, and help.” It is a way for me to be in the world, a 110% participator, a somebody worth knowing and caring about. I can point to things that make my life seem fulfilled.
The second thing about filling my mind-space with busyness is what happens as a result of the busyness- the bandaid. This flurry of work not only helps me feel productive, visible, and important; it justifies me asking for help from others, a pat on the back, and an understanding that I might not always be perfect. When I’m busy I don’t have to think about the reasons I feel disconnected and unable to ask for help, I can just point to being busy to ask for what I need. The funny part of it is, I’m not entirely sure why I need to be in an epidemic of busyness to feel justified in asking for any of those things. Aren’t I worthy enough?
….. Am I enough?
And bam, there it is; am I enough? This need for connection through validation is interesting because we all yearn for it. We yearn to feel wanted, understood, and to belong. Yet when we feel “not enough” we feel disconnected and alone. How is it that connection is so dependent on self worth? This big question compels me to think about how I feel in a moment on the yoga mat.
On my yoga mat my hands and feet connect with the earth and hold me up. My breath helps me let go of frustrations and anxiety. My muscles move me from pose to pose, freeing tension and building strength. My mind is clearer, and I am enough. As I move through my practice I let go of expectations for myself and begin to realize that I have what it takes to move through life, too. Even without projects and extra shifts, I am enough.
As I said before, it is funny that feeling connected is so dependent on how you feel about yourself. Liberating my mind-space from anxiety and busyness on my mat is practice for daily life. Yoga allows me to cultivate my sense of worth and practice the things that make me strong. I don’t need to be busy to ask for help, because I am worthy of being helped. Sometimes it may be a challenge to release the easy way of feeling whole –outward achievements- and rely on the more stable way of feeling whole –inward peace. Through those moments on the mat, however, I can cultivate my mind-space and strive to let go of the busyness.
Also read: meditation for busy people