Uncovering the thoughts & behaviors that keep you away from Joy
Here are five lies you tell yourself, and it is about time to stop lying so obviously. Of course, you can choose to keep lying and repeat these lies repeatedly, sometimes even a few times over one day, but the consequences are daunting.
The five lies I am about to share with you below, are beliefs you keep repeating to yourself, and that in no way helps you feel good and happy. It is even the opposite, and it often takes you down into swirling waves of emotions that are lowering your energy and life force (and self-esteem!)
Below the five lies, we keep repeating to ourselves:
This person over here has a better life than me.
She/he is happier than me, more loved than me, or more successful than me…etc., is a perception of what is happening on the surface. What other people allow themselves to show (let’s say, smile all the time) does not mean they are internally more happy than you. That person might be experiencing difficulties in their life, and smiling might be part of the defensive mechanisms built to go through the pains. Many people have become accustomed not to show their true selves.
When you are comparing yourselves to others, you create a false sense of self. It is not because this person has more money than you feel happier, or have more friends that they necessarily feel loved. When you are comparing to others, you forget that your life is unique, and everything you are experiencing is part of your very unique experience and evolution of your consciousness.
I don’t have time!
“No, really, I don’t have time?”. Stop lying to yourselves and others on the same occasion. Everything is a question of preference. Think more in terms of your priorities and tell the truth about you choosing one thing over another. Whatever the reason is hiding behind the “I don’t have time,” speak it authentically to yourself first and courageously, to others.
Can you think of a time you told a friend you don’t have time? Wasn’t it a question of priority? Or something else was more important at that time? The people who love you indeed will only be more connected to you when you speak your truth and won ‘t take it personally that you choose otherwise at that moment. Same thing for all the things you say you want to do. Please select and start giving it the priority that you were until now, pretending you wanted to give it.
I live to eat.
Big lie. You are eating to live, not the opposite. Do a fast for seven days, and you will see that you don’t live to eat but the other way around. When we claim to live to eat, it’s because we have strongly identified to our ego, which has persuaded us that this is what we want. As a matter of fact, the less we eat, the better we feel. Eating to live does not stop you from enjoying all the culinary wonders of our world.
However, not using food as a way to fill a void is vital to enjoying life truly. Emotional needs cannot be filled with food. The feelings you are experiencing are an indicator of more profound needs that, if kept unmet, can be disguised as consistent hunger. When you genuinely address your needs, the emptiness will dissipate, and food becomes a way to nourish your body and soul, not just a filler to your stomach.
I cannot do it. I am not good at it.
When we entertain the thought that we can’t do something, we end up persuading ourselves of that as a truth. However, for the most part, when people are good at something, they have put time and focus into it. If you spent 10 hours learning something versus 1000 hours, there would be a significant gap in your abilities to do it or not. We become good at something we practice. Acquiring more agility and knowledge in something makes us better at it and starts shifting that belief that we can’t do it. Besides, once you have done something once, it gets already easier moving forward.
When talking about a serious subject, we have to be serious.
Life is a playground. With the belief that serious subjects should be dealt with seriousness, we omit to add the dose of humor that unable life to be lighter. When dealing with difficult situations, a sense of humor can be a fantastic defense line when it comes to coping with stress. A great place to start is to develop a sense of humor about life’s challenges. It will help you to build resilience as well as improve your overall physical and emotional health.
Start with a smile, even if you need to fake it, it can lead to increased happiness (not just looking happier). Because smiling (real or fake) will engage your body to release feel-good endorphins, a phony smile leads to a genuine one—and this means that laughter will come more quickly, and the stress will melt more readily.
If your situation seems unbelievably frustrating, see the potential humor in the overall situation itself. Imagine the extreme aspect of it, that becomes even more ridiculous than it already is until you find yourself amused.
The lies we tell ourselves are a vicious way to maintain in place behaviors and thoughts which do not serve us in the long run. We know that only becoming more authentic and aware of our patterns allows us to overcome them.
Sophie Parienti is the co-founder of YOGI TIMES Media Group and an active Relationships & Communication coach – More self-development tips on sophieparienti.com