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I asked my partner a question to understand what he knew about intergenerational trauma.
Wikipedia defines it as trauma transferred from first generation of trauma survivors, to further generations. Naturally, we think of history and the ugly marks, it leaves on countless people through merciless wars and genocides, but something else comes to mind. Something specifically referring to women – the possibility that intergenerational trauma could be any trauma left as a legacy to next generation women.
Body shame, sex revulsion, the way we relate to men, health issues and orgasmic disorders could in fact be outward expressions of traumas passed on to us. They may require a deeper sense of understanding and a deeper healing for that matter.
The first time I've heard of yoni eggs was years ago. I was celibate and going through an extremely emotionally charged time. My main concerns were heavy menstrual bleedings, which lasted for about a year. During these months, I learned more about my body than in years past. It was the darkest, yet the most insightful time of my life. I journaled a lot and was on a raw food diet including lots of detoxing. I worked with rose quartz and moonstone, writing down my daily insights into a womb journal and letting go of old emotions, so as to move on and free myself energetically from past relationships.
Years later, after a rocky 2015, marked by my father's passing, a very stressful job in Paris and the decision to move to Spain, start over and learn a completely new language, I began to feel drained and stranded. I needed something to ground me. I needed to remember who I was. I had fits of panic because my life was changing at a pace I could not keep up with. I had fits of anger, because circumstances were out of my control, and at times I felt like a simple spectator. But life taught me that the best opportunities do require preparation and unless you are able to recognize them as such, you will not be able to make the most out of what you are given. What's more, I had never been this close to a person in a relationship, and naturally a lot of unwanted patterns resurfaced.
I mentioned intergenerational trauma above and I do believe that women pass a lot of their fears on to other women in the same lineage. You never know how unhealthy an influence has been, until you try to have a healthy relationship. In my case, I was haunted by my grandmother's failed marriage. It takes a lot of courage to break the circle and I am grateful for individuals such as Nubia Sutton and Lenon Honor, who helped me a lot on my way. Women are much more powerful than we give ourselves credit for.
In time, I began to work with crystals again and one sunny afternoon, while at a shop, my eyes fell on a rose quartz crystal with a rather peculiar shape. I came closer and did not fully realize that it was a yoni egg, until after I bought it. I held it in my palms. It seemed to be radiating so much love. The first meditation left me with a feeling of incredible joy and soft waves of ecstasy. Suddenly it was as if I had an ally, somebody to remind me of who I was, the dreams I had forgotten, the faith I had lost, the courage I couldn't find. The most insightful meditations occurred during yoga practice. I felt beautiful, sacred, revered, honest. I heard my own voice detached from the intergenerational chatter. I saw the opportunity to cut the chords and recreate a healthy history.
Herein lies the power of the yoni egg, I believe. Apart from working with pelvic muscles, it awakens our womb and self awareness. To become conscious of our womb is the greatest gift we can give ourselves, especially if you grew up in a household where sexuality was not spoken about or where feminine pleasure was viewed a mere promiscuity. There is a lot of negativity to let go of. Many women struggle with self-love and trust. We learn to trust ourselves when we connect to the deeper voice within. We learn that we are guided every step of the way, that we are beautiful and sacred and very powerful. We can therefore consciously create the life we want for ourselves, regardless of our background and relationship history. We can heal intergenerational trauma and start a new cycle.