The new rebirthing of parenting
The importance of nurturing the emotional state of children is the new rebirthing of parenting.
Because this is the new paradigm in which parents will begin to realize that there is nothing wrong with their children. They will start to remove labels and judgments and will see past their children’s behaviors.
This will allow parents to tap into their children’s unmet emotional needs, rather than focusing on their reactions.
Just recently, my son and I have been working on the concept of honesty. It has been an interesting experience because you may think you are pretty reasonable in keeping a healthy balance as a parent.
However, from a child’s perspective, that is not the case. Our reasoning makes sense in our world, but children struggle to understand the mature meaning behind all the restrictions or rules that we enforce.
This is where the dance of resistance and behaviors develop. Children only try to have their needs met. They try to achieve that in any form they can. If, as a parent, you can stay focused on what your child is feeling, instead of what they are doing, it helps the child develop a better understanding of their inner world. It also teaches them how to navigate through it.
Also Read>>> What is Conscious Parenting?
Nurturing is a new discipline.
Nurturing children’s emotional state is the new discipline all parents could become more conscious of. It is no longer about controlling and stifling children but instead teaching them to better understand what they are truly experiencing. Let us remember, children are in the learning stages of their emotions, so they have no idea how to express themselves graciously.
From a parenting point, we should let our children know that it is ok for them to experiment with how life works and what it feels like. Reassuring them with a safe space of love and understanding. Helping your children explore and express their inner emotional world will help them better understand their needs and learn to express them safely.
Before becoming a conscious parent, I felt that this concept gave away my power to control the situation. That being transparent gave the child ammunition to fire up and hold me hostage. But after some time of practicing, learning, and observing (10 years later!), I genuinely understand the importance for children to be heard, to be valued, and to be seen.
Their emotional turbulence is only a lack of being unable to understand what is happening inside of them. If parents help nurture children’s emotional needs, it develops their confidence and makes them less reactive. Healthy boundaries are essential for a child’s well-being, but some parents confuse this by controlling a child’s behavior instead of nurturing their emotional needs.
Direct the outcome without control.
So one night, I turned the lights out for my son and wished him good night. As I leant over to kiss him I happened to see lolli wrappers in his bed that he failed to hide. As I pulled them out of the bedsheets, he replies, “mum, I only had one,” but according to the evidence, there were 3 to 4 lollies missing from the packet. I put the rest of the pack on his desk and said, “you can finish this tomorrow; however, it looks like more than 1 was eaten.”
He tried to convince me that he’d eaten the others before bedtime. He was trying to divert the situation and create his story. Yet, for me, instead of choosing to condemn or shame him, I had to decide what was important here. Was it his lies? Was it me feeling deceived, or was it his cover-up story that lacks authenticity?
Actually, what felt more important here, was when given the opportunity (especially once caught in the act), then it’s a good time to surrender. For me, it was about teaching my son the importance to not to lie to himself.
So, I replied, “it’s not about how many you have eaten; however, I have one request to ask from you. If a situation like this arises, and you have a safe space to tell the truth, please, I would ask for you to take the opportunity to be honest. Freeing yourself is an important ingredient in life and so is building integral relationships of trust.”
Parents decide the message needed
It was heartwarming that my 11-year-old son understood the importance of the kind of relationship I want to develop with him. He understood that his actions were a part of his learning. I did not need to punish him for testing boundaries; however, I managed to instill in him values for us to work towards together. Teaching a child the importance not to lie to oneself did not equate to focusing on the child’s actual behavior.
Also Read>>> Parenting From the Heart
If dealing with a toddler, it’s about opening the line of communication through short and straightforward sentences, it’s more about creating a safe environment for them to be their authentic self than the words you use.
This is just one shared example of the importance parents play in how we show up in a child’s time of need. Let us not forget the beauty and fun of growing up and being cheeky and sneaky. Parents should not take this personally. There are just being children. All we have to do is stay focused on the overall bigger picture of what is the essential message in each circumstance.
Children want connection
Children only hear you when they know you can see them. If you can meet them in their space, then their confidence in you will rise. They will stop resisting or defying you because they feel supported, heard, valued, and loved.
When parents emotionally connect with their children, they feel safe and worthy. This is one of the most fundamental ways to enhance a child’s development and connect with them on a deeper level.
If a child is struggling, give them more emotional support and understanding. Whether you agree or not, listen to them, meet them where they are, and hold that safe space. Create the opportunity to open a discussion for sharing. This is a great support system to gain an emotional balance.
Within an open discussion, you allow your child to share their experience of the situation, their thoughts, and their feelings. You can also ask them how you could work with them in a new way. In doing so, you empower children to find their solution and build their confidence and trust in themselves and in you.
They become proud of their achievement feeling more connected in taking ownership and responsibility. This is a process that requires nurturing over time. However, it will help children develop an internal guiding system they can rely on in the future.
Children know and feel when they are emotionally supported. They freely share what’s on their mind and become more confident in themselves when given that freedom. The most significant for them is to know that you genuinely HEAR and SEE them, and to feel your unconditional love.