If you have never had a broken heart or suffered through a difficult break-up, I hope that you buy lottery tickets, because you are one of the lucky ones. For the rest us, you know break-ups are never enjoyable. There is no easy cure, no quick fix and no pill you can take to make it heal faster; we all just have to go through it. No matter who initiates the break-up or what the reasoning is behind it, it comes with some kind of a mourning and transition process. When my ex-fiancé and I separated, one of the greatest difficulties I had to face was dealing with what a significant change it was in my life. I felt like someone died.
After spending years sharing my space, bed, thoughts, dreams and family, his absence made me extremely present to the feeling of being alone. Not only being lonely but literally being ALONE. I was having trouble sleeping, I was keeping Kleenex in business, I lost 10 pounds and I was scared about the abrupt change in my life’s direction. I was full of fear as I went from knowing who I was going to spend the rest of my life with to not knowing where I was going to live the next month.
Finally, something shifted. I distinctly remember looking in the mirror and thinking, “Okay, enough of this already, it is time to start living your life again.” It sounded empowering but I really did not know how to do it. So, I returned to the one thing in my life that has always brought me strength, peace, and comfort: yoga.
When we first broke up, I actually strayed from yoga for a while. It was something that the two of us loved to share, and there were few studios in town that didn’t hold a memory of “us.” As part of my “return-to-living” program, I returned to one of my favorite classes. When I walked in, the familiar smell, people, look and energy of the room was comforting at a time when it felt like everything in my life was changing. After the first sun salutation, I realized how tight my usually limber body had become. Standing poses reacquainted me with my strength. Twists untied the knots in my stomach. Backbends released the heaviness in my heart. Balancing brought me back to my focus. Savasana brought cleansing tears. When I left the class, I felt like a part of my soul that I was neglecting had been touched. I felt awake again! I returned to a yoga class the next morning. It felt so good to get back together with yoga.
Yoga became a critical component of my healing. In the sacred space of a yoga community, I started to learn how to be alone again. In my yoga classes, I was surrounded by the love and energy of the people in the room, but I was there for myself. My mat became a training zone for being alone and shifting my attention inward. In my practice, I was able to build up my confidence of being on my own and took that out into my life. I also noticed that one of my biggest obstacles in yoga (which was that my mind would always wander) began to diminish.
My break-up taught me many lessons, one of which was how not being present may lead to missing out on people, opportunities or just the magicalness of life. I realized how much in my relationship I was not present – I was either in the past or in the future. My practice got deeper and my breath grew louder as my mind grew quieter. Yoga has been my escape from being a prisoner of my thoughts. My focus quieted the memories of him, of us and of the stress I was feeling about having to start my life over. In my yoga class, no one was there to ask how the wedding planning was going or to tell me how surprised they were about our break-up. In my yoga class, I was safe and protected. In my yoga class, my aches were soothed. The void I felt was filled, but what I learned was that it was not filled by someone or something; it was filled from within – by me. What I gave up in my relationship, I reclaimed in my yoga practice.
When the wounds from my break-up were fresher, I would have forked over all the money I had not to have to go through it. I am not going to lie; it was brutal. However, I would never go back because without going through it I would not have reconnected with my practice and consequently with myself. So, if you are nursing a broken-heart, lose the wine, the Haagen-Dazs, and the sad songs. Reclaim yourself on a yoga mat.
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